just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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