PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
