I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
