u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
