im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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