Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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