Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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