So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
