you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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