we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
