I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
