Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
