k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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