you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
