I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
