Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
