she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
