Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
