you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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