9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She needs sedatives and a leash
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
