Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
