my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
