When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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