eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
