oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
