you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize