Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
