I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
