He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
