Don't you send me to vm
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
