why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
