I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
