Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
