I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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