I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
