oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
