Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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