His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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