If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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