you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
