I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
