I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
