Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
