Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sacagawea was the original milf.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
