I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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