I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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