Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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