hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize