i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
