i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
