Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't deserve a penis
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
