This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
