do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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