New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
