i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
