he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize