I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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