There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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