so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize