There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
