Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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