you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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