I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
