so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize