Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
