We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
