I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
