It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
