Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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