we made out on top of his cat.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
