cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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