you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just sucked dick on a ferry
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
