be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize