So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
