I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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