There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
