I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
