I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize