My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
