we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
