I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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