god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
please don't ironically join a cult
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