Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
