Do you still have your period?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
