I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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