Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
