Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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