WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
