I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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