Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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