saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Panties = found
Randomize
