I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
