I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize