Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you had me at cake vodka
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
