Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
