I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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