dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
