a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
