Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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