So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize