I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Say something about gay babies.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
