yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He did a backflip because drugs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize