i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
