Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
