Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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