Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize