you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
