Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
