If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
