please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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